Small town girl, in the big city.

As i've mentioned i've been trying to learn to leave my body. to astral travel. so far i've only managed it 3 times on my own. and each of those times only lasted a few seconds. as soon as i realized what was happening i fell back into my body. i don't even think i'd go as far as to say i got comletely out. there was a time when i was little, during a specific traumatic experience that someone "pulled" me out. I hovered with this person above my own little body for a while, and then he put me back. all i remember of him, was the impression that he didn't have any hair.

WELLLL... last night i was trying again. fell asleep trying actually without accomplishing anything. This morning however, i kept waking up and making myself fall back asleep. at one point i was laying there and i felt....shakey, charged kinda, like i feel when an archangel is near me, they release such tremendous energy that it overwhelmes me. i get all shakey and dizzy. once i got that feeling i fell back into a dream where my friend was holding me, feeling me shake. he said "relax", "ask them to go away it's too much for u" refering to the angels. I said no, i like how they feel, and  that i'd be fine. But then it got worse and i started having a hard time breathing, as if i was beginning to have a panic attack. It was then that i started to wake back up.

As i was waking i thought about my brother. for some reason i thought about a lake that we'd found one day hiking. I thought of the lake, seeing the image in my head, then i realized that i didn't remember how we got there, but that i'd like to find it again b/c it was pretty and i miss home.

The next thing i knew i was standing on the embankment of a river. the embankment was up pretty high and i could see the river twisting for a ways in both directions. when i looked up the river to the right i was a large island. I was so excited! i was back home! standing beside the ohio river, looking at wheeling island. I was so excited that i spun around a few times looking at everything. This made me dizzy. when i stopped spinning, i sat down in the grass. It was then, as i looked at a plant growing on the other side of the river, that i realized....i didn't know what that plant was. i'd never seen one like it before. then i looked at the water and it was crystal clear. i could see every rock, two fish, then another one farther away that was HUGE. This wasn't the ohio river. you can't see your own hand in the ohio river it's so murky. This made me realize, that i was still in bed. So i looked around me again and i was seeing everything crystal clear. As if i was looking through my eyes, wide away. CRYSTAL clear. better than my eye site actually is. everything had this sharp edge to it. it was beautiful. i saw a mouse i the grass, saw two birds on the other side, brown crane looking birds. They all just looked at me, unafraid. i felt myself slipping back, so i looked at the plant again. i focused on it and tried to hold myself there. but i slid back finally. the entire thing only lasting about 30 seconds. oh but it was amazing!

and then i experience that entire paralysis where my mind was awake and aware but i wasn't fully back into my body yet so i couldn't move. this time though it didn't scare me, thankfully. that shits scary when u don't know whats happening!

So, i have this theroy. you have to be TOTALLY, deeply, unbelievably relaxed in order to leave your body. (thats y i've been having a hard time) your body has to be beyond relaxed for ur spirit body to feel okay leave and for your physical body to allow it. i was so comfortable going in and out of sleep this morning that i was relaxed like that. i do think an angel stopped by to check on me or what ever this morning, and i felt (as i always do) so comfortable and safe with him/her/it there that i let go.  i think this happened just at the same time that i thoughto of my brother and that lake, so i slipped out and found a lake.

now heres the interesting part. once back awake, i thought about that lake. it doesn't exsist. that lake i had thought about is one i had dreamed about not long ago. the dream was my brother and i hiking with friends, and we found this lake with an awesome feild behind it.  plus that lake in my dream was only a lake, not a river. i don't know any river like that on earth and i'm pretty good with plants and animals, i didn't recognized the birds nor that plant. SO was i on the Other Side? makes sense if it was the presence of a being for the Other Side that helped me to slip out. -----less likely, but also possible, is that my desire to be somewhere that didn't exist sent me to a different planet. that seemed un likely tho, b/c though i don't have any experience with that, i think it would have taken me longer to get back into my body once i started slipping back. instead it happened very quickly. Since the Other Side is literally here beside us, it makes more sense that i was there.

any thoughts?

After regaining my strength, I tried for the astral travel. I've only managed to leave my body a few times and only for a few seconds. it's a shock to the body to leave an everytime i do i get thrown right back in. With practice i'll learn tho. Anyway, what i can do, what i did, was went deep into a trance, within my head, and asked my great-grandmother to talk to me. I got a plesant surprise, she AND my great-granddad whom i've never seen/talked to before came. tho he didn't speak, it was nice to feel him..

Great-grandmother told me.  i am the way that I am because i chose to be this way. That before i was born, as a soul deciding what i would live, i decided to do something that the others won't. something involving a little more sacrifice than most wanted to deal with. She said that i am "love". no better, no more special than any one else, empath or not, but that there is just something a little bit different about me. it's why i can't get mad, it's why i forgive everyone for everything. It's why i'm so emotional.  She said that i will gain control soon, in the next year or so. And someone will soon be coming into my life that will aid in that. a man, an empath, that is moving to Cali for school. we'll meet by chance and recognize each other immediatly.

fun stuff.

i'm getting better at talking to animals. I usually know what my pet rat wants, it's not hard being that they are so simple creatures. (know that when i'm home he's not in his change. he's always with me) but when he gets nervous, scared, or sometimes even when he gets hyper, anytime he's experiencing an extreme of any sort i can feel the stiring in my mind of him talking. (no not words like people! c'mon folks animals don't "talk"! they think, feel, desire, and project) The other day my new friend here at the apartments was walking around with him. he took to her very quickly which says a lot for her b/c he doesn't really like other people. But he wasn't used to riding on someone elses shoulder. when we went outside he couldn't smell me and started yelling for me. when i got him back he started yelling about wanting back in his cage. i'm getting better at listening. fascinating:) 

oh and the other day at the park, i was feeding the ducks. there was one in particualar that was a little more aggressive than the others. I could "feel" him "talking" to me as well. THAT was my first time truly "speaking" with a wild animal, THAT WAS COOL! maybe i'll be the next dog whisperer eventually :)


OHHHHHH yeah i SWEAR i saw Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer, on the bus the other day! i swear i did!!

 Monday night I had a cook out. My friend John and I had just carried everything down from my apartment to the picnic area an d were sittin on the edge of the no longer workind, mosquito larva infested fountain, when a girl came walking through on her way to the steps. She made a friendly comment as she walked past, smiling and saying "Having a party huh?" Then she takes a double look at me and says "OH hey, you're back! How are you!" To which I replied with a friendly, silent smile, thinking to myself...."Huh? Who are you?" She laughed apologized, said i looked like someone she knew from the apartments that had moved ou a while ago. So we laughed, and I introduced myself. She said her name was....we'll call her B, for confidentiality reasons. I cocked my head to the side and inquired if she was the same B that I had been told used to live in apartment J27, my current apartment, and whom i'd been told I should talk to about the mutual roommate-from-hell we share from apartment J27.

She was.

*press pause button - Let me tell you about this roommate-from-hell.

there are three people who live in this apartment
1 - Myself. young white chick
2 - The newest addition, who is becoming a friend of mine, that we'll call M. young mexican chick
3- The roommate-from-hell (who has lived here for going on 9 years) 40 + , recovering alcoholic, judemental, egocentric, woe-is-me,  the world should give me everything, overbearing, perverted, white dude.

The apartment is divided like this (and when we tried to talk to him about it he became very defensive and irrate)

This man has
*most of the storage space in the kitchen
 *two regrigerators + also uses the main fridge in the kitchen
*the closet in the entryway
*the living room as his bedroom
*the space under the bathroom sink
*75% of the rim space of the bathtub
*two shelves in the hallway cubboards
*all of the dining room area (which we call the living room)
*and 60% of the space on top of the bathroom sink
*The entryway space stacked 75% of the way to the ceiling with more of his stuff

Us girls have each -
* one SHELF in the kitchen
* shared space in the fridge in the kitchen
* two shelves in the hallway cubboards
* our rooms. (which  do have nice sized closets.)
* 25% (to share between the two of us) of the bathtub rim space.

other than a space hog what makes this man the roommate-from-hell?
* he leaves food to rot in the fridge
* he doesn't take out the trash
* he makes a mess in the kitchen splattering food in the sink, on the floor, and on the counter AND LEAVES IT. two weeks later it's still there.
*he splatters food all over the microwave, AND LEAVES IT
* he shaves at the sink overtop our hairburshes and toothbrushes AND LEAVES MOST OF THE HAIR
* he threw away my bath scrunchy b/c he didn't like where it was hanging in the bathtub
*he piles/collects dishes in her room for weeks until we A)run out of dishes or B)he needs to make room, then he brings out the food encrusted, rotting plates, bowls and cups, fills up the sink, AND LEAVES THEM TO SOAK FOR TYPICALLY A WEEK. (I'm DEAD SERIOUS!)
*when he walks past the dumpster and sees something someone has thrown out that is in good condition that he could fix, sell, or use, HE BRINGS IT HOME. THEN HE DOESN'T WANT TO THROW AWAY ANYTHING AND NEVER GETS AROUND TO SELLING IT. we live in the dumpster orphanage.
* he has the biggest, ugliest, rug sitting on top of the carpet in the living room AKA dining room. it looks hideous, it's dirty, it is forever balled up and tripping us, its forever crooked, he won't get rid of it.
* He has another rug basically the same thing rolled up and stacked in the entry way.
* he has TWO water coolers in the living room AKA dining room, one of which is used, the other sits in the corner and he refuses to throw it away. (guess where he got the one in the corner? yup the dumpster)
* He has made comments on my boobs and told me how horny he is.
* he has flashed (yup ladies and gentlement full frontal nudity) ON PURPOSE, M (something he also did to B)
* he asked me to go into M's room one day and turn off her fan b/c she wasn't here and it was running up the electric bill. yet he leaves 3 fridges, running 24/7 and leave lights on all the time.
* he used to touch me a lot, until i threatened to stab him with my fork one day.
* he and I got into a yelling battle one day b/c he told me i needed to tell M to clean up. HAHA she does dick, YOU DONT!
* after that fight, i left, he went to apologize to M, when she said u need to apologize to her, he said no, that i have a drinking problem and am "Not quite right in the head."

...ok yeah i could go on, but ya got the point.

press play -

I had complained to the maintenance man one day who i'd become friends with about my male roommae and he had told me about B, but i had never met her. So, after meeting B under those strange circumstances monday, she, M and I spent a lot of time talking about our mutual problem. M and I's current problem, B's past problem. now, B, M, and I are now friends. So at least ONE good thing has come from this poor excuse for a human existance, and in my personal opinion, a waste of perfectly good oxygen. He has given us girls a common bond. funny how things work huh?

I Felt The World...
 

 

I felt the world the other day.
I felt it rise and fall away.
All the thoughts,
And
All the dreams,
In my head
A billion themes.
Images that were not mine.
Memories - I can't define.
I couldn't cry.
I couldn't speak.
My mind too gone
For my body to seek.

I felt the world the other day.
Absorbed you all,
Myself affray.
"Dig down deep,"
My sister speaks.
She takes my hands.
We're at the beach.
Cool hands beneath my own,
Pull me back to sanity.
Finally, I am alone.

I felt the world the other day.
Within my soul
Each mind - a say.
Three days hence
I sit in the sun.
More myself
Then when I'd begun.

    I'm an Empath. This is similar to a psychic. The difference being that a psychic receives information from spirits and ghosts that speak in one form or another to them. I, like my fellow empaths, skip this step. We speak (in a manor of speaking) to the person, or animals soul direcetly, bypassing the middle man. 
    We're set up differently than most people, in the way that we relate to the people and things around us. The world is energy to us. people are not just people with a body and personality, people are souls, energy, thoughts, feelings, all these things we see and feel. We don't just sit there, holding the hand of a person in need, feeling sympathetic and saying "I understand" like anyone would do. We sit there holding there hand, shareing the pain. Experiencing, literally, as if we were that person, what they are experiencing. Even when we don't want to. Its not our choice, it's what we are. We have to help, we have to feel it, b/c it's what we are. 
     We control and manipulate energy. be it from nature, from people, from anything. If something has a soul, we can talk to it, we can feel it, we can understand and through understanding we can heal it, manipulate it (to a point. no crazy stuff like mind control!)
      We are closely watched by the archangles b/c with our gifts come great responsibility. that is why there aren't many of us. It is too easy for one of us to become so overwhelmed that we walk away from Gods path. There have been some who have gone "rogue" and had to be stopped..... Many bad things can be done with our gifts.
     

     One of the things we do, like what i just said, that makes it hard it that we absord things. We are buffers i guess. We absorb negativity like a sponge to ease the weight on humanity. Some of us have learned to block this. Some of us have learned to live with it. Some of us are so overwhelemd by it, have so little control, that it controls us.

     Since I was little, I've been able to do these things. I've kept it a secret for so long from my family and friends. I moved from WV to California, 4 months ago b/c i had to. I had to get control some how and i couldn't where i was. I'm not hiding from it anymore. I won't let it control me, I moved here to learn to control it. My Great Grandmother, who was also an Empath, came to me and told me i needed to start over if i was ever to do this. She said Cali, and my friends here were the best way to do it. So now it's not a secret. I am Corbi, An Empath, A Healer.

      Last night I learned something.
"Yeah but she's special." "She's different." "She is SUPER-sensitive." "She absorbs EVERYTHING from everyone around her." "She needs your help." 
    The other person - "yes, she is, but no she doesn't need my help. I'm helping her a little but if i do it all she'll never learn and never get better."
     These things were said about me while the two people who have come to mean the most to me in the world thought i couldn't hear them. I have full memories of last night. Everything that happened, everything that was said around me while my body was rebelling agains tme. I felt everything, heard everything, even if my body was not under my control, my mind was coherent. 
     I'm one of those people who have little control, I get overwhelmed, not knowing how to stop the onslaught of energy (feelings thoughts etc etc. ) that i take from people. I have panic/anxiety attacks. i isolate myself away from people. Tho i didn't know WHY i did these things until last night hearing them talk about me. i didn't know i took on so much from others. I knew i took some, but not so much. 
     i've always been emotionally unstable. i didn't know this was bc half of what i think are my emotions aren't. they are other peoples. i just don't know how to tell whats mine and whats other peoples. 
    
    Last night i tried a recreational drug. I don't do drugs. Bc of what i am, my body doesn't allow me to take pills. My gifts attack even advil as a poison, a foreign body with in me and pushes it out of my system b4 it can help me. I can only take natural pills. MY body does the same thing with alcohol for the most part. Well, i did drugs in high school and i hated it. Everyone else got mellow and happy, enjoyed it. I got scared. I felt too much, i felt out of control, i was aware of too much then that i was desensitized to while clean. it made me quiet, shakey, sick, paranoid, no matter what it was, it had the same effect.
    Last night, there was too much around me. i paniced. I couldn't breath. My friend took me away from everyone and (being an empath as well) he tried to use his own gifts to show me how to clean my system out. it's called Purging. To take the drug and the fear (the chemical causein the panic) out as energy, release it and feel normal again. I was too scared. I'd get close, feel it leaving, be okay for a minute, then i'd get tired (this takes a lot of energy) and i'd slip back down.
    With my eyes closed i felt everyone around me, i heard everything, was aware of thoughts, it was too much. every time i'd slip back down my friend would be there, taking softly, coaching me. Helping very little, trying to teach me. I have to get control or i'm going to go crazy. Eventually my other friend, also gifted (i'm blessed to have two others here with me. it's rare for us to find and be near each other. they are why i moved here tho and i love them as family) She sat infront of me and took my hands. She tried to guide my mind to the beach, where we'd gone to meditate the other night. She tried to get me to focus, i just had to focus to get some control to be able to Purge, but i couldn't. I'd get close, would panic, and slid down again.
     Not to mention that having two other empaths in the room was hard to handle. Both let off a lot of energy thats hard to deal with. and made it harder to focus. i was slowly gettin better, slowly. Finally after midnight i was alone. alone, just me. i was able to do it. I was so tired.
      
     Each of us is different. each has one gift that is specific to them. one thing at least that we excell at that is ours. My is dealing with animals. So what is this new thing, which i've not been talk about. why am i "super-sensitive"? Am i the most sensitive, am i different than the others in this way. I different than most already b/c most dont want their gifts, most keep them a secret, but i love what i am. i want the world to know so that i can help the world. I LOVE THIS. even if i have little control and it causes me more trouble then good right now. So is this another thing that makes me different? Why? how do i learn to seperate whats me and whats not. how do i release this desensitization i have so that i can feel and pick apart the different things.
    Its a block of some sort. When i had my first panic attack, while i was doing sign language to a chrismas song infront of my entire church, everyone was focused on me and i felt them ALLLLLLL. It scared me, traumatized me, I blacked out. I shut down then. I still do the same thing but the part of my brain, the part of my gifts to feels it and knows it has been blocked to protect me. for a while it helped, now it's hindering me and i don't now how to remove it. how do i do this? 
   
     when i get my energy back i'm planning an astral trip to learn some answers i need. I'll keep ya's posted.

She ran as fast as her legs would carry her through the tall grass in the meadow. Plants occasionally grasping her white cotton skirt, tearing the thin layers to shreds. The cool autumn air burned her throat and lungs so badly, and tears blurred her vision. Tears both from the cold air and the terror of what pursued her.

A quick glance behind her assured her the flying beast was still there, so close. Its outline illuminated brightly by the full moon hanging in the clear sky.

A desperate whimper left her mouth as the root of something grabbed her foot and caused her to stumble. She didn’t loose her footing though, she continued running. If she could just reach the woods, she thought, she could hide and just maybe escape it, maybe. A laugh carried on the wind down to her, causing desperation to drive her legs harder.

Trying the wipe the tears from her vision she didn’t see the small briar bush. It clasped her skirt like hands and pulled her to the ground. She hit hard on her shoulder, knocking the wind out of her. Dazed, she laid there, unable to breathe, She’d barely had time to realize she had fallen before he was standing on top of her. She slumped onto her back, exhausted and frozen with terror.

She could see his face now, he was handsome, black shoulder length curly hair, it was to dark to see the color of his eyes but still they sparkled prettily. He had a strong set jaw and very defined cheek bones. He looked almost native american His broad shoulders were bare in a sleeveless black t-shirt, and his muscular legs were shown off by the tight khakis he wore.

Her breasts heaved up in down as she panted for air, her beaded gypsy top had slid off one shoulder not leaving much to imagination and her torn skirt did much the same. regaining herself she frantically brushed her long blonde hair out of her face.

She grabbed the garnet stone amulet that hung from her neck and held it out in front of her, mumbling some incantation of protection.

A smile spread over his soft full lips and showed shining white teeth. "That will not help you my love." fangs slowly slide down to touch his bottom lip.

Her breath caught at the realization of what he was. Fear wouldn’t help now, this was a live of die situation, she would be strong, all the women in her family were strong, she wouldn’t shame them by dying on her back.

Slowly she got to her feet, crouching for a moment like a lioness assessing her attacker. She stepped back and he made no attempt to move. "You may take my blood, but you’ll never take my soul."

"Ah, your beautiful in the moonlight." He said, his voice weaving a spell over her.

She could feel it, feel the pull of his mind trying to take control of her. She fought it, taking another step back. She blinked and he was gone. Confused she took another step backwards. Then she felt his presence behind her, but before she could turn his arms were around her. Her back pressed against his powerful chest, his warmth seemed to spill through her. Instantly she tried to struggle but he took control.

Sliding his mouth down her neck he nipped at her bare shoulder. A sigh escaped her mouth and her head lulled to the side. A haze had filled her mind, she was no longer afraid, no longer heaved for breath, she was calm and trapped in his spell.

"You are mine, blood, body, and soul."

She whimpered.

He trailed his hot tongue back up her neck to swirl around her ear lob. "Tell me, speak it, you are mine."

Her will was still strong even in his spell and no words came out of her mouth.

His arms loosed, and moved down her perfect curves. No woman through the centuries had ever been able to put up the smallest fight against him. But this witch fought with everything, and he loved it. His hand trailed down to her thighs, then back up brushing over her full breasts.

"You can’t fight me for long." He whispered in her ear, and nipped again at her neck. He could take her now, but he wanted her confession, wanted her to say she was his. "My beautiful witch, say it, say you belong to me." His fingers trailed over the bare skin of her shoulders.

"No." the words were forced out of her mouth, nearly inaudible.

This only excited him more. He turned her to face him and kissed her, his fangs scraping her lips and his tongue possessively taking her mouth.

That was it, he felt it as her mind gave way to him. Staring into her hazy green eyes he repeated, not needing to put a compulsion behind his words this time, "Say it."

"I’m yours."

Even as the words escaped her mouth he bent his head to her neck. He released his spell, not needing it anymore and wanting to taste the fiery fight in her blood. The white hot pain as his teeth pierced her skin caused her to pull away, to fight, but she was unable to move in his strong grasp. Only seconds later her fight was over, and she was truly his, forever.

 

With the full moon high above her, lighting the way, she ran. Silently screaming in her head because of the horrors she'd seen this night. Through the field, her legs carried her. Even though the briars and weeds tugged on her cotton skirts. As if fingers, reaching, grabbing, trying to slow her pace. Still she ran on as something sharp made it through the cloth and torn into her fair skin.

She stumbled. Run, she told herself. This scratch is nothing compared to what lay behind. The demon that may, or may not be in pursuit.

The woods held little comfort even as they hid her away from the moon. But it was only a thin patch and again she was in the open. She could see the lights now. The town lay stretched out before her only a little way ahead. Almost there, keep running. She encouraged herself even as her legs began to burn with the strenuous exertion.

A sound came from behind. Ripping her silent screams out to echo in the still night. Her legs faltered, betraying her will to survive, and throwing her onto the ground. Frantic now she crawled though her burning legs protested. Fingernails dug into dirt as she clawed for every inch towards those light that would be her salvation.

Now a laugh, as cold as death itself, sent a chill along her spine.

"My dear." The demon, with a face of an angle clicked his tongue. "Look what you’ve done my love. Ruined your dress. Ah, no matter. I’ll shower you with all the riches in the world. One dress will not matter."

His speech dripped with a foreign slur she didn’t recognize. It was no use. He’d slaughtered the rest of her family as she stood there. She’d watch him drink their very blood as if from a wine glass. Her fate was clear.

So she would face it standing, with strength and dignity befitting a lady. Not clawing in the dirt like an animal. And so she did, standing there beneath the moon, face to face with her families murderer.

But her last words weren’t of hatred or anger as even she expected. "May God have mercy on your soul." Her tiny voice whispered into the breeze, the last words she ever spoke. As a mortal.

Before her sentence had even ended he stood beside her. Having moved with unnatural speed. His smell was intoxicating. His presence overwhelming. Something about him took hold of her like a spell. She couldn’t move a single muscle. Didn’t want to.

Her breath hitched as his head lowered to hers. Cold lips brushed softly against her own. Her heart skipped a beat when his head dipped down to her throat. The soft stroke of his tongue caused her to whimper even as her head spun.

His teeth scrapped. Once, twice, over the pulse the beat beneath her thin, sensitive flesh. Teasing himself with the salty taste of her flesh., and the heady scent of the blood he knew flowed hot beneath the surface.

Under his enthrallment, she was powerless. Her head lolled against his shoulder as he held her from behind. With one arm tight around her waist, he let his other trail up her side. Enjoying the smooth curves of her young body.

He wished even this thin material wasn’t separating them. This was food, he reminded himself. It should be nothing more. But something in his cold heart stirred, when he first laid on her. He accredited it only to her pure innocence. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the shiny curls that framed her small, fair face that stirred forgotten memories and emotions for a woman centuries dead.

His roaming hand slid across her taunt breasts and she groaned, leaning into him more. It was too much to handle. Her body heat melted his last hold on control. His fangs sank deep into her flawless skin.

Again she made a sound, but this time it was more of a whimper. White, hot pain tore through her body, and just as quickly turned to pure pleasure.

The scent of her virginity caught his attention a second time. This time though it called to him. Enticing, even begging, as the smell grew stronger, heightening his already acute senses.

A groan, almost a growl escaped his own mouth. Though he still fed on her blood, that flowed into his mouth like sweet nectar, his mind wouldn’t stay away from the thought of how she’d feel beneath him. How easily he could take her.

This is food, again he chided himself. But it was too late. His own body was beyond his control. Hard and demanding. Straining against the very clothes that separated their bodies. Yes, this was food, it was forbidden to take any not of the species. He could change that. Turn her. Though, that too was forbidden, what did he care of rules?

The rain beat down on her upturned face. The tears that freely streamed out of her green eyes were washed away to join the wet ground. Tangles of her blonde hair flew wildly in the wind, draping over her shoulders and wrapping itself around her neck and face. Like a noose, she thought.

She played with Images in her mind of her own hair bringing her to the end of this horrible existence she called her life. Then decided it was sad that the thought thrilled her. Relentlessly the wind beat at her hair and her clothing, like a thousand fingers dragging at her.

"I can’t do it anymore!" She screamed at the night.

Alone on top this hill, only the powers that be to hear her. And she wanted them to hear her, who ever, whatever they were. She felt them, talked with them, knew for certain of God and angels but there was still so much she couldn’t comprehend about it all.

Images of the man she’d sworn her love to flew through her mind, fleeting happiness remembered, betrayal, pain, an agreement with...with what? With god? Never to hurt him again.

Emotions, among other things pulled at her. Now he was gone, because of her. Because of what she was, one of God’s soldier. One of his beloved paladins, made to suffer and learn on Earth to enforce his will and insure The Greater Plan stayed in order.

At what cost? Her family had been taken when she was but a child. Why? To teach her to be strong and to survive. Abused, neglected, trauma after trauma to teach her compassion, to teach her love. Oh it had, it had all worked well, until now. This was too far, she had loved too deeply this time and him being ripped from her life was the last straw. She was endure no more.

Something constantly buzzed in her head. How long now? She struggled to remember, it had been there for years she was certain. Like something trapped within her that beat to get out, power, knowledge. Something awesome, huge, was there beneath the surface of her mind. Feelings that she didn’t recognize, and that fleeted when she tried to grasp them, thoughts that did the same.

Nothing brought it out though. Nothing she did seemed to bring this elusiveness, whatever it was to the surface. She tried with everything she had, with every resource she could utilize. Nothing though would give her a hope of releasing whatever it was in her head.

It was driving her insane. It had driven her insane she admitted.

"No more!" She screamed. "All or nothing!"

Lightening streaked the sky. The loud crack that came with it made her jump. A sign? She wondered. Was she aggravating the powers that be? Good, she though, then screamed it aloud, "Good, welcome to my world!"

The winds picked up as if in answer. She didn’t think it was possible being that it was nearly knocking her down as is, but steadily the force of the wind grew. The wind and rain beat at her until she was forced to her knees. She laughed, a desperate, sob filled laugh.

"Commanding obedience as always," She whispered, lowering her head for only a moment.

Lightening struck again, and then again. So close to her she could feel the ground shake with the whips of sound that followed each display of power. The dark, stormy night around her was lit up into painful brightness.

A familiar sensation ran through her body, searing heat and electricity shot up through her feet and knees on the ground. All the hair on her body stood up on end and her fingertips tingled. She was about to be struck by lightening, she recognized the feelings from two previous times that she’d been struck. The static electric feeling. The realization came only a split second before the lightening ripped through her body, straight into the ground.

Tonya screamed and threw up her psychic blocks to try and protect herself from the chaotic energy from the lightening but it was too late. In that instance that she felt the lightening, it finally happened, whatever it was inside finally broke loose. It reacted in her desperate moment, springing up to protect her. The irony being, and she was instantly aware of this, that the divine had meant to strike her down to prevent her from becoming what they feared, what she had been close to becoming, rogue. In their attempt to prevent it, they had caused it.

She stood, as the full range of her powers broke free in a flood of energy giving her strength beyond anything she’d ever experienced. Instead of the lightening bolt dissipating, she was able to reach out with her power and hold it there. It’s hot, chaotic energy so sporadic that it burned her inside but she managed to hold it just long enough to open a window to the other side with her left hand. With her right she directed the chaotic energy in one tightly packed ball, straight through the window and quickly closed it.

True, it would do little damage to the powers that be. If she was lucky it would take out one or two human souls before the angels were able to ground it back to Earth. To her, one or two souls was nothing, a triviality of lesser beings compared to the billions that existed. To those fools though, each individual soul was everything.

She smiled, raised her arms to the sky and fed power into the storm. She felt them pull back, the Guardians that had conjured the storm in the first place. They did their best to pull all of the power of the storm and clam it before she could get a hold but they weren’t fast enough and she was too strong now.

Mentally she held the storm and fed more, and more power into it. She was able to wrap her power own power around one of the Guardians and bind him to the storm. He was trapped in a whirling prison of energy. Malevolently, her smile widened. She pushed her awareness into the Guardian pulling and twisting his energy, his very essence until it came apart to where she could use it.

Then she twisted his awesome power, a portion of her own, and all of the storm around and around, creating a funnel cloud that took up half of the sky. Once content at the ferocity of her stormy beast she gave it a strong push and released it. The funnel would touch down on the outside of the closest major city, it would rip through it taking everything in it’s path before it would finally dissipated like a normal tornado. Only this, would be the worst ever seen in the history of man.

The sky above her now was clear. The air still. Stars winked down at her but there was no moon to speak of on this night. She knew already what she was going to do.

There was a gate, and as a paladin, sworn to protect it, she knew where it was. The Ninth Gate, it led to heaven and to hell. Not just anywhere, but directly to God and directly to Lucifer. It had been created as a bet, a balance of sorts, in the beginning of time, between good and evil. To prove that God was infallible.

She could walk through this gate, taking her power in its entirety to the other side. First, as it was designed, she would face the devil. Once having defeated him, she would face God. He, in his perfection would never fight back. He would stand as she struck him down. Then she would take his place, becoming the omnipotent being herself. At that point she could fix all of this. No more suffering, no more hardship. Peace on Earth, Eden.

She would destroy Earth as it is and redesign it all as it should be, as she saw fit....